Exploring Couples’ Lived Experiences of Family-Pressure-Based Spouse Selection and Its Consequences for Marital Intimacy

Abstract

This study aimed to explore the lived experiences of couples whose spouse selection was shaped by direct or indirect family pressure and to explain the consequences of this process for emotional, communicative, and marital intimacy. This qualitative study was conducted using an interpretative phenomenological approach. The participants consisted of 22 individuals, including 11 married couples living in Tehran, Iran, who were selected through criterion-based purposive sampling. Inclusion criteria were at least one year of marital life, self-reported experience of explicit or implicit family pressure during spouse selection, willingness to narrate lived experiences, and absence of an active divorce crisis during the interviews. Data were collected through in-depth semi-structured interviews and continued until theoretical saturation was reached. All interviews were audio-recorded, transcribed verbatim, and analyzed using NVivo software. Data analysis involved open coding, thematic categorization, constant comparison, and iterative refinement of themes. Credibility and trustworthiness were enhanced through member checking, peer debriefing, analytic memo writing, and maximum variation in participants’ demographic and marital characteristics. The analysis showed that family-pressure-based spouse selection was not merely a premarital event but a relational pattern that continued to shape marital life. Four major categories emerged: “erosion of agency in spouse selection and marital initiation,” “suspended intimacy and emotional caution,” “continued psychological presence of families within couple boundaries,” and “attempts to redefine choice and reconstruct connection.” Participants reported that the lack of perceived autonomy transformed marriage from a voluntary intimate bond into a family-imposed obligation. This experience was associated with reduced self-disclosure, guarded emotional communication, comparison with lost alternatives, ambiguity in commitment, and difficulty developing emotional trust. The findings suggest that family pressure in spouse selection can undermine marital intimacy by weakening perceived agency, creating ambiguity in emotional commitment, and allowing the continued intrusion of families into couple boundaries. Nevertheless, some couples were able to reconstruct intimacy through open dialogue, personal responsibility, boundary setting, and shared meaning-making. These findings have implications for premarital counseling, couple therapy, and culturally sensitive family-based interventions.